The weight, the expectations, and the part some people just don’t understand.

Being a new mom is hard. It’s dirty, it’s bags under your eyes, it’s wearing a gigantic diaper for a week, it’s sore nipples, it’s not knowing what the hell you’re doing. It’s walking out of the hospital with a new human thinking WTF, it’s trying to get your stroller open but you still don’t know how to work it. It’s never seeing friends, it’s seeing your partner but not exactly having quality time.

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It doesn’t matter if you had an unplanned vs planned pregnancy, or if being pregnant is all you ever wanted, tried so hard and it finally happened. Being pregnant, giving birth, and having a child are all amazing experiences, but something I wish I would have known more about is the challenges and changes that a new mom faces. Not that this would deterred me from having a child, but at least I would have not set such crazy expectations and would have known that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

At first you will be on a high. Giving birth is an insane experience, your excited to meet the little one, family and friends are around, you get to use all your new things that you spent the year researching. It really hit me after a few days, once we were settled at home. You quickly realize your life has changed. You are no longer just you anymore, you are responsible for a little human 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Overwhelmed, sore, sleep deprived, are just a few words that describe how you will feel the first few weeks or months in some cases. And yet this is what is expected from you:

• Have family and friends visit – be sure to offer coffee

• Look cute and put together – Instagram says so

• Be fully functioning even though you woke up 5 times last time – its part of your job now

• Love your new life as a mom – smile & be happy

• Battle with feelings of depression and anxiety – but don’t let anyone know

• Accept the changes in your life – because you signed up for this

• Be ok that your social life is crumbling before your eyes

I’ll stop here because my list goes on and on…but you get the point. I really did try to be the perfect host, mom, wife, and tried to maintain my pre baby lifestyle, and for me I truly believe this was one of the causes of my postpartum depression.

The weight of being a new mom is extreme and in my opinion the support to help us just isn’t there. I can’t even tell you the numbers of times I found myself crying for no real reason. If you say you’re not enjoying it, you’re a bad mom, if you feel depressed, people judge you. Social media makes being a new mom seem glamorous and almost easy, and I caution you not to fall into this trap. It’s not glamorous, it’s complete opposite, and it’s a full time job. Yes I can get my shit together to take cute instagrammable photos, but most of the time I look like I just rolled out of a barn, hair in bun, track pants on, and likely have some type of food on my clothes.

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As moms, we are expected to accept all these changes and carry on with with our lives like normal. The job as a mom is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. If you take anything from this post, I want you to know that it’s OK to not be OK. The more we can share and talk about these feelings the better off we will all be. There is no need to shame someone or judge someone. Each mom deals with things her own way, and yes there are some moms who have it easier than others. Let’s just be there to support each other and have each other’s backs along the way, we are in this together.

I want to thank my girls, my best friends and my lifelines.(Chrystal, Jaci, Allie) I wouldn’t have been able to get through the first year without you and I am so glad we were able to share this wonderful yet insane journey together. I was so fortunate to be pregnant with you girls and have our sons all born around the same time. And to my mom, I love you. She was there for me every step of the way and even helped deliver Jr. During my hardest moments my mom was there to lift me up. I would not have been able to do it without you, you are my rock.